My Amazing Love Life : A True Story of True Teenage Romance

Sit back or sit closer depending on how good your eyesight is, and marvel at the story of my amazing high school love life. (Basically, this happened awhile ago.)

It all started...Dramatic pause... When I was born. I was one of the few humans to be born naturally beautiful, naturally intelligent, and naturally amazing in every imaginable aspect, and with naturally fabulous hair. Such incomprehensible awesomeness continued and still continues to this date. If I were to show you a picture of me, you would not believe it was actually me, the reason why is because you would have never thought you would know somebody as amazing or as beautiful as myself in your lifetime.

Now that you've got a brief imagery of how amazing I am, I will explain my life so I can progress into the point of this thread's creation. I was solely homeschooled for 10 years of my life. By the time I was age 11, I joined a public school band to play the drums, and it goes without saying that I was amazing at them, as everything I do is amazing. I gained the favor of my band teacher, and the favor of bandmates(as I call them) in a matter of days. In a matter of a few more days, word of god himself playing the drums in band spread through the school like an oil fire. So people who had never gotten the chance to marvel at my amazing person knew how amazing I was just through the words of lesser people. That is how amazing I am.

Up to age 14, I never had a girlfriend of any sort(I did have minor crushes that I didn't bother approaching because they didn't meet my criteria completely.) But in grade 8, everything changed.
The band at the public school has 7th graders and 8th graders in the same class. I was an 8th grader and my first real crush was a 7th grader. Naturally, all of the girls in band loved me because they had never witnessed such an incredible person before. This girl I had a crush on was a short Asian girl, who played the flute, and was a ballerina. She was very cute, very feminine, quite well developed body for her age. I don't feel I have to say that I liked her as that should be apparent, but I didn't approach her at the time for reasons I can't disclose. So, at some point, her and I exchange cell phone numbers. The school year ends, I go on to the highschool and she remains at the grade school because she was a grade below me.

Through the entire summer we didn't talk at all, but after about 3 weeks in the first school semester when I was in highschool she starts texting me. We start texting each other a lot, texting each other about 50-100 messages per day.
We get to know each other very well, it's very apparent that she likes me hardcore. Well why wouldn't she, am I right? Eventually after about 4 months of texting each other we decide to officially declare each other in a romantic relationship with each other.

Now, there is something you must know. I am a germophobe. I know what you're thinking. "But Jack, I thought you were awesome?" Well, yes. I am awesome. Very awesome. So awesome that it would be an insult to my person if I were to allow it to be tainted by the germs of lesser people. This is why I must remain a germophobe, or otherwise I cannot be as awesome as I am.

Naturally, romantic relationships involve a lot of very unsanitary things. Holding hands, kissing, hugging isn't too bad but still. So how am I to be a good boyfriend if I will not allow myself to be damaged from the germs of an inferior person? Well, that's simple. I'm so amazing that my very words can bring girls to a climax, so kissing, holding hands and the like are entirely unnecessary.

So, I am dating this girl and she is aware of my germophobia. She gets past it because as I said, my words are like a vibrator. But there was one problem, we had one major difference, one I can't disclose as I fear it would lead to discrimination. Towards her of course, not me, anybody who discriminates me is just jealous. On top of that, this girl was a total fucking psycho. She didn't want me to talk to any other girls because she would get insanely jealous because she knew the other girls wanted to bone me as well. She would get pissed off and claim that I didn't love her whenever I didn't text her for 5 minutes when I was hanging out with my friends. She would say I was cheating on her whenever I didn't text her for 5 minutes. Whenever I didn't text her for 5 minutes, she would make some preposterous claim to the point to where I just have to backhand her, I dealt with this psychosis because I found it amusing. Over time, I found out that she had dated 8 other guys before me. I was 15 at the time, and she was 13. She dated 8 guys before me by the age of 13? What the fuck, I was dating a psychotic slut.

So, eventually the relationship came to an end. She wanted to remain friends, I was unsure if I was able to remain friends with somebody so not awesome. A pathological lying psychotic whore is not a very awesome person. So, she does everything in her power to eventually try and degrade me. This is impossible to do, as it would have to be sheer fabrication to say I am anything other than amazing.

Remember how I talked about being in a band? Well I enjoyed playing in the band a lot, but I had to move away so I was unable to continue going to the school, and had to leave the band. So, skipping a year. I attend to one of the concerts the band is playing at the school. And before I forget to mention it, my ex had a different boyfriend. One she picked up almost immediately after our break up, because she obviously needs a boyfriend to feel significant. One of her methods of trying to berate me was talking about how amazing and how perfect her boyfriend is "accidentally" sending me messages intended for her "friend." You, the reader, and I both know this is just puffery as I am clearly the greatest person ever. I remembered the details she "accidentally" told me(in a text.)

So, at the concert, I see her boyfriend sit down in sight. I walk down the bleachers and sit down next to him, asking if he is in fact my ex's girlfriend (I asked his name, not if he was my ex's boyfriend.) and he confirmed my suspicions. I introduce myself, and I ask if he knows who I am. He doesn't surprisingly, although he seemed like a bit of a meathead, so I suppose it's not that surprising. So I start making small talk with him, and he is clearly freaked out. I don't bother telling him who I am because where would be the fun in that? After the concert, I was told that my ex told her boyfriend who I was, and that it was funny. Moving on to the next day, my ex starts texting me, and oh my dear was it funny. I'll put all of the texts she sent me in one quote, her texts will be in bold and my comments will be in parenthesis. It was about 12 texts total.

"You kinda freaked out my boyfriend. You went and sat by him(after I asked how so.) You dont even know him how did you know who he was anyway. Wow you dont even know him. Because im smart everyone thinks you stalk him(after I asked how she was so sure I didn't know him.) All of my friends(After I asked who everyone was.) Ummmmmmmmmm you do not need to know that(after I asked if Kody was a receiver and if his number was 83 or 86 in football.) Because you're like obsessed with him.(after I asked why not.) Retard(after I said I was just making stuff up.) Quit slaking my boyfriend you bi retard that knows nothing about football. Wow u r the dumbest person i have ever met. "

So, me sitting next to and talking to a guy I've never seen or met before who happens to be my ex's boyfriend has warranted me being labeled as a stalker.
She then calls me, trying to further insult me by coming up with preposterous and incredibly lame high school insults pretty much exactly like "Do you have a bad smile on purpose or does that just come natural?" and "Are you dumb on purpose or does that also just come natural?"

Since the ending of my relationship with the girl, she has taken every chance she has gotten to try and poke at my shortcomings, of which there are none, she just made them up in attempts to discourage me somehow.
I have been nothing but nice to her since our relationship ended, because I am far too amazingly awesome to bring myself down to a lesser person's level of petty insults and immature babble.

I hope you guys enjoyed this in on my love life, I am currently still single because it's hard to find a girl that is on my level of amazing, especially since I am more wary of insane whores. Thank you if you did read this entire thread.

Long live the Brotherhood!

wow how amazing that u remember all that form a while back... you know for a little bit there for being a germa phobe.. you reminded me of MONK.. adrian monk ( detective if no one knows)

cant figure out because of how awesome you are, which you die so much, and are not ranked number 1

Shady <8-O wrote:wow how amazing that u remember all that form a while back... you know for a little bit there for being a germa phobe.. you reminded me of MONK.. adrian monk ( detective if no one knows)

cant figure out because of how awesome you are, which you die so much, and are not ranked number 1

Team Fortress 2 is a heavily team oriented game. So the shortcomings of lesser people is the cause of me not being ranked number 1.

You should see me play CS:S where I can go lone wolf and rape some faces.
Just ask Dude Man Chief, he knows how pro I am.

nice lol im just giving you shit jack u kick ass and i enjoy playing with you whether on me team or not... :-) u got mad skittles lol

I like tacos.

dude u r a taco

Crono wrote:I like tacos.

Funny you mention that. As of recent, I have conjured quite a craving for tacos.

Maybe I'll make a thread of my recently spawned love of tacos.

You had damn well better do just that.

Aaahh jack, to bask in your glow... now I feel guilty for dominating you last night....

Tacos = bad, Burritos = good, and burritos are the only reason I regret leaving california as I can't find a decent truck to buy a burrito from east of the rockies...

My philosophy is quantity > quality. Thank god I'm not awesome and don't bother about germs lol

LiquidDino wrote:Aaahh jack, to bask in your glow... now I feel guilty for dominating you last night....

Tacos = bad, Burritos = good, and burritos are the only reason I regret leaving california as I can't find a decent truck to buy a burrito from east of the rockies...

You, sir, have just proven that you are made of failure.

Aah, Crono, I have to give you my failure speech (I give this speech at least weekly, trust me, my co-workers could recite it too you)...

Failure is your profession. If you're not failing, you're not doing your job. Every time you fail, you pick yourself up and fail again. If not pushing hard enough, you will not fail. You have to keep failing and failing, and then eventually you will not fail. The hope of not-failing will keep you coming back for more.

I eat failure for breakfast lunch and dinner. Just as long as they are failure burritos.

Do you want to hear the "consistent mediocrity", aka national league ball, speech next????

Bring it on biznatch~!!

Psycho sluts are the best.
The only one bad is the first one u taste

Father Merrin wrote:Psycho sluts are the best.
The only one bad is the first one u taste

Taste?

Like literally taste or metaphorically?

Cause I'm not literally going to taste another human being.

Not with that attitude you're not!!

JackNapier wrote:
Like literally taste or metaphorically?
.

I think both

Father Merrin wrote:

JackNapier wrote:
Like literally taste or metaphorically?
.

I think both

Metaphorically I've tasted a psycho slut, and yeah you're right it was bad.
Literally I will never taste a psycho slut.